Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in
real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, ‘Kin ya swallar?’

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, ‘Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I ain’t niver seed nobody do it!’

To generate your own homespun analogy click on the picture

Whether your finer than a frog hair split four ways or as slippery as snot on a glass doorknob, you can learn a thing or three from the homespun analogies born down on the farm. Or you can make up your own with the Homespun Analogy Generator. Just don’t expect to learn anything.

Generator Land Hall of Fame
Hall of Famers are submitted by the Generator Land Community. The latest and greatest are shown below.
The Homespun Analogy Generator

I’m as two-faced as a constipated grizzly bear on a tractor.
Submitted by Josh on 12/1/2008

I was as depressed as a flea-bitten polar bear in a sack full of puppies.
Submitted by Bob on 11/8/2008

She was as disappointed as a broken fart in a cherry tree.
Submitted by Cowboy John on 11/2/2008

I was as honest as a rabid tooth fairy whistling Dixie.
Submitted by tttt on 9/27/2008

She’s as jumpy as a sugar-coated rodeo clown in a coalmine.
Submitted by Tanis on 9/17/2008

She was as obvious as a possessed deaf mute in a hornets nest.
Submitted by heo on 9/12/2008

I was as shameful as a corn-fed mailman in a grain silo.
Submitted by Russell on 9/5/2008

She’s as gay as a hungry prostitute in a briar patch.
Submitted by Swatsinger on 9/3/2008

I was as greedy as a stiff gorilla in a butter churn.
Submitted by Hannah on 8/30/2008

I was as mixed up as a homosexual penguin on a car bumper.
Submitted by She’s as naked as a on 8/18/2008

She’s as cheerful as a drooling lizard in a bordello.
Submitted by Bernd on 8/12/2008

I’m as comforable as a two-dollar duck praying in church.
Submitted by Kim on 7/24/2008

She was as lost as a free-range tadpole on a gravel road.
Submitted by katie on 7/23/2008

He’s as surly as a low prairie dog in a hay loft.
Submitted by Pierre on 7/17/2008

She was as depressed as a three-eyed prostitute with a limp.
Submitted by Buxton on 7/12/2008

He’s as miserable as a hefty baboon with a toupee.
Submitted by Monica on 6/26/2008

She was as gassy as a riled up baboon in a cow’s ass.
Submitted by andy on 6/18/2008

I was as cocky as a silver-plated proctologist at a prom.
Submitted by Jack Como on 6/17/2008

I was as irritated as a homosexual whale in a minefield.
Submitted by Genevieve on 6/13/2008

She was as off as a dead bunny on a duck hunt.
Submitted by Stephen VanDeMark on 6/11/2008

I was as slippery as a cock-eyed cat on the back porch.
Submitted by Stephen VanDeMark on 6/11/2008

I’m as knocked up as a dehydrated gator wrangler in a doughnut shop.
Submitted by Al on 6/9/2008

I was as irritated as a sugar-coated gypsy ina hornets nest.
Submitted by sugar coated gypsy on 6/2/2008

She’s as slippery as an illegitimate hedgehog with scurvy.
Submitted by slippery scurvy on 6/2/2008

She was as stupid as a retarded finch at a poker game.
Submitted by spencer corona on 6/2/2008

I’m as troubled as an overweight rooster in a tornado.
Submitted by Tori sibbitt on 6/1/2008

She’s as hungover as a moldy senator in a meat freezer.
Submitted by cecilia sanchez on 6/1/2008

I’m as cocky as a new fangled St. Bernard in an apron pocket.
Submitted by Porn! on 5/30/2008

I’m as lonely as a constipated coalminer at a barn dance.
Submitted by Anonymous on 5/30/2008

She was as lost as a one-eyed snapping turtle in a mud puddle.
Submitted by Ariana on 5/27/2008

She was as ornry as a cotton-pickin polar bear in a tornado.
Submitted by Scarlett Jezabel on 5/19/2008

I was as strange as a hungry puma with chicken pox.
Submitted by Renovcevic on 5/18/2008

I was as horny as a yellow-bellied jackass in a drawer full of panties.
Submitted by Uh sure on 5/17/2008

I’m as successful as a constipated halibut in a gunnysack.
Submitted by Henry on 5/15/2008

I was as knocked up as a drunk seal in the cow shed.
Submitted by epic on 5/12/2008

She’s as cool as a cross-eyed pony having a sneezing fit.
Submitted by Savva 7kolen on 4/27/2008

She’s as short as a chigger-ridden grifter in a foot locker.
Submitted by Yann Tiersen on 4/27/2008

I’m as lost as a skinned muskrat on a gravel road.
Submitted by club on 4/25/2008

I’m as gay as a solid gold grave digger in a potato sack.
Submitted by maddy on 4/23/2008

She was as lost as a gas-powered school marm in a hay loft.
Submitted by la on 4/21/2008

He’s as goofy as a skinned sword swallower on the electric chair.
Submitted by Mark Albert on 4/18/2008

She’s as happy as a riled up town drunk in an igloo.
Submitted by Mara on 4/16/2008

I was as cheerful as a bottom feeding boar speaking in tongues.
Submitted by Mara on 4/16/2008

I was as mean as a wet prostitute on a trailer hitch.
Submitted by toil on 4/12/2008

He’s as wrong as a rabid Baptist in an afro.
Submitted by M.B. on 4/9/2008

She’s as hungover as a yellow-bellied mongoose going to confession.
Submitted by DAHOME on 4/6/2008

She was as fearful as a gas-powered puppy in grandma’s underwear.
Submitted by FooRunner on 3/26/2008

She’s as cold as a dead weasel on a fat dog.
Submitted by MikeR on 3/21/2008

I’m as cool as a dead cat in the pokey.
Submitted by MikeR on 3/21/2008

I’m as cheerful as a sick biscuit in a bucket.
Submitted by MikeR on 3/6/2008

I was as obvious as a wet catfish chewing on bumblebees.
Submitted by MikeR on 3/6/2008

I’m as grumpy as a dead rooster speaking pig latin.
Submitted by ALICIA on 3/2/2008

I was as lucky as an electric dog driving a Cadillac.
Submitted by Markus on 3/2/2008

He’s as off as a stiff wolverine in a gunny sack.
Submitted by Randi Gallegos on 2/28/2008

I was as likely as an insane banker in a tar pit.
Submitted by So tight he wouldn’t on 2/28/2008

I’m as innocent as possessed waterbuck at a poker game.
Submitted by I’m as innocent as p on 2/27/2008

He’s as dimwitted as a stinky cat in a sack full of puppies.
Submitted by Anni on 2/26/2008

She’s as confused as an English wolverine in prison.
Submitted by Frank on 2/25/2008

I was as guilty as a bottom feeding bunny on a skillet.
Submitted by HOLA on 2/25/2008

I’m as loony as an electric Baptist in a gunnysack.
Submitted by patrice on 2/24/2008

I’m as fat as a deaf monk in the pokey.
Submitted by aaron on 2/20/2008

I’m as wily as a mongrel circus clown on the way to the slaughterhouse.
Submitted by Anna on 2/20/2008

I was as honest as a new fangled biscuit in the dishwater.
Submitted by Aimee Hill on 2/18/2008

I’m as oversexed as a down home catfish at a prom.
Submitted by Meghan on 2/16/2008

I was as truthful as a corn-fed weasel in the crawlspace.
Submitted by halil on 2/14/2008

She was as grumpy as silver-plated prostitute in a potato sack.
Submitted by happy on 2/14/2008

She was as smart as a skinned weasel in a pressure cooker.
Submitted by brian on 2/13/2008

She’s as turned on as two-dollar lizard in a pumpkin patch.
Submitted by Joul on 2/13/2008

He’s as stupid as a gas-powered weasel in a smokestack.
Submitted by Chiaretta on 2/6/2008

I was as wily as a holy boar in a grain separator.
Submitted by ss on 2/1/2008

I’m as obvious as a hefty stripper in a doughnut shop.
Submitted by Evelyn on 1/29/2008

I’m as brave as a one-legged sturgeon in a wino’s pants.
Submitted by nika on 1/28/2008

He’s as shameful as a stiff chimpanzee on a tractor.
Submitted by mother on 1/28/2008

I’m as weird as a corn-fed ferryman on a fat dog.
Submitted by parroco on 1/25/2008

I’m as confused as a yellow-bellied bat in a melon patch.
Submitted by Illicit conditioned on 1/23/2008

She’s as slick as a midget bear in a gunny sack.
Submitted by Renee on 1/21/2008

He’s as innocent as a midget walrus at a pie eatin’ contest.
Submitted by sylvie on 1/19/2008

I’m as horny as a new fangled beaver in a minefield.
Submitted by Best in Class on 1/12/2008

She’s as hungover as million-dollar lawyer in a toilet.
Submitted by Fabu on 1/12/2008

I was as psychotic as a seasick fat man in a drawer full of panties.
Submitted by squeezle85 on 1/11/2008

I was as confused as a neon possum in a wino’s pants.
Submitted by Lorex on 1/8/2008

I’m as scared as a slippery armadillo at a prom.
Submitted by Mitchou on 1/8/2008

I was as lucky as a dead coon dog in a bikini.
Submitted by arkano on 1/8/2008

I was as thickheaded as a swollen lizard in a rain barrel.
Submitted by Reveance on 1/7/2008

She’s as ornry as a holy ferret in a pig’s eye.
Submitted by Nataly on 1/3/2008

I’m as evil as a flea-bitten hummingbird in a pig sty.
Submitted by I’m as evil as a fle on 1/2/2008

She’s as miserable as a dead parakeet at a pie eatin’ contest.
Submitted by MilanaliM on 12/31/2007

She’s as strange as a carnival tooth fairy in a dirty ashtray.
Submitted by David on 12/30/2007

I was as tall as a freeze-dried donkey in a hay baler.
Submitted by david on 12/28/2007

She was as giddy as a stinky school marm in prison.
Submitted by massimo on 12/26/2007

She’s as cheerful as a broken polecat in the crawlspace.
Submitted by Nika on 12/26/2007

I’m as truthful as a freeze-dried grandmother in the laundry tub.
Submitted by jaxon on 12/24/2007

She was as hot as a holy blind man in a bowl of grits.
Submitted by Friar on 12/22/2007

She was as lost as an overweight hobo in a tornado.
Submitted by delavega on 12/21/2007

I’m as depressed as a foreign mule in a cow’s ass.
Submitted by CJ on 12/20/2007

She’s as run-down as an English coon dog in a chimney.
Submitted by Maarten on 12/19/2007

I’m as happy as an empty jackass on a stack of pancakes.
Submitted by maayan on 12/17/2007

He’s as strange as a stolen penguin in a huckleberry patch.
Submitted by J�ssica Horski on 12/16/2007

She’s as off as a carnival jackass on the electric chair.
Submitted by diana on 12/16/2007

She was as fearful as a country bumble-bee in grandma’s underwear.
Submitted by snakeman991 on 12/11/2007

I’m as miserable as dead banker in the doghouse.
Submitted by SONIA on 12/11/2007