Hmmmm….

Posted in country, dialogue, hillbilly, humor, jokes, redneck, stories with tags , , , , , , on February 19, 2009 by befuddledandbewildered

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in
real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, ‘Kin ya swallar?’

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, ‘Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I ain’t niver seed nobody do it!’
Hmmm...

My Boyfriend is Such a Redneck

Posted in country, hillbilly, humor, redneck, stories with tags , , , , , , on January 13, 2009 by befuddledandbewildered

My money and phone are in my purse and I left my purse in my boyfriend’s truck. My Jeep is sitting on empty. So I can’t drive back and get it and I can’t call. I thought he would see it and bring it to my apartment. Nope. Finally I went next door and called him. He said…
“I heard the rat in the bathroom so I got my shot gun and shot at it. I hit the shaving cream can and it exploded and caught the house on fire. I’m putting the fire out now. It’s a big fire. We don’t have any lights because the bulbs blew and there’s shaving cream everywhere! You should see the house. Its a mess and its all black from the fire. I think I got the rat. I’ll look behind the dryer tomorrow when I can see and pull him out.”
OMG!

Send Me Stuff!!!

Posted in analogy, conversations, country, culture, dialogue, guest authors, hillbilly, jokes, photos, recipes, redneck, stories, submissions with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 4, 2009 by befuddledandbewildered

Jokes, stories, photos, recipes, and most wanted… funny things you’ve heard people say. SUBMIT HERE
NO “ADULT CONTENT” or “ADULT ONLY” STUFF…….KEEP IT CLEAN PLEASE

I was as honest as a new fangled biscuit in the dishwater.

Posted in analogy, conversations, country, culture, dialogue, etiquette, hillbilly, humor, recipes, redneck, saga, slang, soap opera, true stories with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 27, 2008 by befuddledandbewildered

CLICK HERE for the Latest Episode of REDNECK CAFE – the Highly Addicitve (True) Ongoing Country Soap Opera…

To generate your own homespun analogy click on the picture

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Whether your finer than a frog hair split four ways or as slippery as snot on a glass doorknob, you can learn a thing or three from the homespun analogies born down on the farm. Or you can make up your own with the Homespun Analogy Generator. Just don’t expect to learn anything.

Generator Land Hall of Fame
Hall of Famers are submitted by the Generator Land Community. The latest and greatest are shown below.
The Homespun Analogy Generator

I’m as two-faced as a constipated grizzly bear on a tractor.
Submitted by Josh on 12/1/2008

I was as depressed as a flea-bitten polar bear in a sack full of puppies.
Submitted by Bob on 11/8/2008

She was as disappointed as a broken fart in a cherry tree.
Submitted by Cowboy John on 11/2/2008

I was as honest as a rabid tooth fairy whistling Dixie.
Submitted by tttt on 9/27/2008

She’s as jumpy as a sugar-coated rodeo clown in a coalmine.
Submitted by Tanis on 9/17/2008

She was as obvious as a possessed deaf mute in a hornets nest.
Submitted by heo on 9/12/2008

I was as shameful as a corn-fed mailman in a grain silo.
Submitted by Russell on 9/5/2008

She’s as gay as a hungry prostitute in a briar patch.
Submitted by Swatsinger on 9/3/2008

I was as greedy as a stiff gorilla in a butter churn.
Submitted by Hannah on 8/30/2008

I was as mixed up as a homosexual penguin on a car bumper.
Submitted by She’s as naked as a on 8/18/2008
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